5 Minute Mind – Freedom of (not from) Speech

This is a writing sprint. Please excuse spelling and grammatical errors.

A lot of talk here in the states abouilt ol amedment 1. No need to rehash it fully, but you’re unfamiliar with what is going on soon to be ousted Donald Trump and many of his supported feel their first amendment rights, freedom of speech, are being trampled on.

I will paste the amendment below after the timer expires. What I felt like saying here though is no one hass stoped him or his followers from saying what they want. What their true argument is, wven when they don’t come out and say it, is they want to be able to say what they want to say but not be responsible for it.

Its not just Trumpo followers, rather many people from many different walks of life, who feel the first amednment enshrines them with a constitutional armor to protect them from conseqwuences for what they say. Hate toi burst their bubble, but it doesn’t work that way. Also, the first amendment protects you from the government trampling on that right, now a

Amendment I

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.

5 Minute Mind – Granola Warms the Heart

This is a writing sprint. Please excuse spelling and grammatical errors.

It’s a bit chiily here in Orlando this morniing…hey, it happens! Upon hearing the timer on the oven, I went and removed the fresh baked granola from it and while my sense of smell swam within its aroma, the heat hitting me gave me a moment to pause.

It reminded me of times when I was a child and it was also one of the colder moments in Orlando. Like, unexpectedly cold so you had to come up with ways to stay warm like when new ypork experiences a heat wave and a lot of [people dont have a/c spo they have to do something like go to a building to stay cool kinda way. My father would turn on the oven and leave the door slightly ajar to try to warm the house.

The thought warmed my heart as my oven this morning warmed me. When you had a less than steller child-hood you hold on to even the slighted moments like this of when you

5 Minute Mind – Sound it Out

This is a writing sprint. Please excuse spelling and grammatical errors.

What’s in a word? It’s one of tthose questions that seemingly has an obvious answer, but it’s also a question that has answers shrouded in subtelty.

I love words. I am often fascinated with how words sound when said out loud. One of my mavorite words (anyone else have favorite words) to promnounce is soliloquy. I am say9ing it out loud now as i write these line and it’s …..I duinnow, the way it flows.

Maybe its the sound of the two ls with a joining vowel?

Just as powerful as an emotion can be, when expressing emotion i feel not only what you say is enhnaced by how you say it. Yes, that sounds like something we’ve all known for a long time but I mean it more succint than that.

5 Minute Mind – Inspiration and a Wake-Up Call

This is a writing sprint. Please excuse spelling and grammatical errors.

Why? Why does it hit you like a jarring call or super obnoxious alarm that sounds like the cross between a howler monky and they yelp of a person who just stepped on a lego while barefoot?

I am talking about inspiration. Here, I sit, at 3:51 in the morning, wreiting a post. Its one of those situation s where a project I am working on has me thinking about different ways and means and methods.

If this has never happened to yuou, it’s a jarring wakeup as I mentioned, then your brain hits the floor and you must either note or oftentimes even go do that thing that woke you up. Thing of it is, if you don’t answer that call, as I have done in the past, you all too often miss the meeting your brain is telling you

5 Minute Mind – We’re Talking to You

This is a writing sprint. Please excuse spelling and grammatical errors.

Ahhh, new year, new expoeriences, new….revelations. I was filling out a form yesterday and errantly pressed 2 as the fiurst digit when entering my year of birth. This caused me to chortle a bit, only to be rudely assaulted with the truth…..thats a perfectlyu valid entry now.

That really had to sink in foir a few moments. I m ean, holy shit…just now I am thinking about it again and apparently there’s still a bit more room there for this to sink in.

Its the srot of thing where commercials, ads, things like that are aimed at an older demographic. I’m still young, that’s not me, etc. Then in one moment, realization jumps on your back and forces you to accept…damn, I am that demographic now.

5 Minute Mind – Dear Monday

This is a writing sprint. Please excuse spelling and grammatical errors.

Hello, first Monday of 2021. Today is a special day for you and your kin. You see, whether or not you know it, your family has a lot of haters. I don’t get it either. Personally, I don’t mind you guys for your weekly visit. Well. most of the time that is.

Anyway my dear friuend. I wanted to let you know that you are extra special amongst your family. (don’t share this with the others). Since you are the firt of the year, a lot of those people I mentioned above will actually like you today. 20212 is all fresh and new and still snmells like the sweet aroma for promise, not the stench of sorrow.

So, its all up to you. (Well, not really, ity’s up to each and every one of us) To help folks along, let’s pretend its all up to you to set the pace.

I’ve now sat staring at this blinking cursor for close to a minute now. It’s 34 seconds later…well, shit Monday. We messed tha

5 Minute Mind – Is it “It is what it is”?

This is a writing sprint. Please excuse spelling and grammatical errors.

MIdfulness….ahh, that’s the stuff. I tinkered with oractising midfulness exercies off and on the past year or so, but since mid-October 2020 I have stayed dedicated to it daily.

Upon ending my morning excersise, celebrating just being in the here and now, the ever-famous saying popped into my brain. It’s so often thrown around that it seems like an auto-repoly message. Ironically, to be mindful is to of course recognize and accept yet “it is what it is” has become a form disinterest and dismissal, in the guise of acceptance.

Thank about it…what ever it is befo

5 Minute Mind – Blinded Me With Science

This is a writing sprint. Please excuse spelling and grammatical errors.

“A truly unprecedented medial miracle.” That’s how Trump views the vaccine. I’m not a scientist but I am a big supoter of scientists, the scientific methd, and the truth.

For far too long, science has remaind this mysterious thing to so many people. A scapegoat for our blame, and a force of God for . What’s so ironic about that is science is really one of the few things that can be used to provide the absolute truth with which the shroud of mystery is lifted.

I suppose that’s the big reason why a lot of people view it in the way Trumnp does. Often times, science doesn’t fit your narrative because your narrative is your perception and reprojection of your version of the truth.

Science makes us challenge our identity and for some, the risk of doing so far outweighs any reward.

5 Minute Mind – Black-Eyed Peas and a Bully

This is a writing sprint. Please excuse spelling and grammatical errors.

Earler this week I posted about significant change in my life. Nearing toward the end of this year, a coupl eweeks ago I decided to finally face my bully. I felt I could not totally move forward without doing that. As an example, as I type these letters mysteriously hands tremble somewhat because of the bit of fear that is still there in opening talking about it.

My bully, was my step-mother. I will post letter belo once this timer is up to a post that is a copy of a message I sent to her a few days ago. I decided this would be the year bbecause se after not hearing from her for a coupl years she tried getting in touch with me a few tines since Thanksgving. I felt this was the opportunity to finally have my say, to quit living in a fantasy realm where these evil things never happened, and she never had to face her victims.

The Letter

I apologize for not replying sooner to any of your messages lately.  Before I go in to what I need to say to you, I want you to know that I am genuinely happy for you finding ***. Everyone deserves to be loved, and I know how difficult my father could make it to feel that from him.  I wish you both the best. 

My life today is still affected by what happened in my childhood and thanks to therapy I am finally recovering from those things.  Many are a direct result of your actions, especially in areas of “discipline.” All those years when dad was on the road, you reminded us daily through your actions of how unhappy you were being stuck with his kids.  When dad finally got a local job and no longer was on the road, your methods of “discipline” also changed. Things just seemed to settle into a quieter pattern for us kids, so we all acted like everything that happened in the past never occurred. If that was all left alone, then the bad memories caused by your actions and you yourself, wouldn’t hurt us anymore. You became nice.

This is 100% true for me. Neither **sibling names** are aware of my writing this letter so you’ll need to ask them, but I feel pretty confident they agree with what I am saying. 

Above, I put the word discipline in quotes because that’s what you called it. You would even sometimes quote scripture as if to justify your actions before grabbing whatever was convenient to beat us with. To us kids, it wasn’t discipline, it was abuse. 

When you would sometimes wake us from a dead sleep by throwing a cup of water on us, then beat us, it was abuse.  

When you would sometimes make us get on the floor and stand with our knees until you got  a confession, for which one of us didn’t even do oftentimes, it was abuse. 

When you would become enraged and destroy our clothing or chop up our hair, it was abuse.

When you backed me into the hallway that lead to the back door, the house on ** drive, and proceeded to repeatedly beat me in the face until I bled, it was abuse. 

Every time you told me I was worthless, stupid, or garbage and when you called me a fag, it was abuse. 

There were so many more times you did this to us. We were children who were supposed to be able to feel safe and secure in their home. You stole that from us and made us live in a constant state of fear and terror, never knowing who was your next target and when the beating would occur.  You were a monster. 

Do you even think about your actions from all those years ago?  Do you feel the slightest bit of regret for the trauma you inflicted?  Have you ever once even considered trying to make amends for your behavior?  If you’re still reading this, do you even remember it?

I hope you do. I hope you can look back and see yourself for what you were. I hope the person you seem to be now can look at the person you were and see just how much of an incredible amount of damage you did, to four children. I hope you see that person and feel an immense amount of shame and remorse. 

If you want to reply to this message, let me just say this loud and clear. If your reply is merely a litany of excuses for your behavior or if you think I am making this up, don’t bother.  I clearly remember each physical assault and psychological attack. Every. Single. One. 

I reiterate my opening above. I do not wish ill will for either you or ** and I am genuinely happy you seem to have found peace.  As far as a relationship between us, for many years now I haven’t considered you my mother, and now that I’ve spent time recognizing the real past and dealing with what it has done to me, I don’t yet know what I am open to in regard of a familial relationship.  I think any next steps depend on how you react to this message.

Her Reply

I’m sorry, that’s all I can say and I truly mean it. Have a wonderful life. I wish you well.

5 Minute Mind – Stranger in My House (Expanded)

This is an expanded version of another post.

While pondering what to write about this morning, I read a story prompt that said to describe a mysterious stranger. That lead to me thinking about the song, “Stranger in My House”. The version I am talking about is sung by Tamia.

Specifically, I thought about these lyrics, “Or could it be, that the stranger is me? Have I changed so drastically? Is it I want more for me? And you remain the same?”

I stopped at those lyrics and thought about relating them to my own journey. I’ve gone through a lot of changes these past several years, all spurned by my diagnosis of type 2 diabetes a few years ago.

Diabetes has ravaged my family, including some of the damaging components like amputations and blindness. When I was diagnosed, I went through a period of shock. I spent a lot of time thinking about how this was going to affect me. Will I start feeling new types of pain? What am I going to have to give up? Will I collapse some day and who will be there to tell me, “Drink your juice, Shelby”?

After about a month of processing these thoughts, I decided I was not going to go down that path. Citing my sister’s blindness and my brother’s leg amputation, along with their struggles since these things, my commitment to become healthy was forged in the fires of their poor choices and regret. While speaking with my doctor, I told her I was commited to changing my lifestyle but felt a bit guilty for my reasoning. I took comfort from her saying there’s no reason for me to feel guilty about my motivation.

I look at my old self now and realize that yes, the stranger is me. Though it’s from a different perspective.

In the past 10 years or so, the person that I was gazed upon the 8 year old boy in pictures, remembering that happy child yet unbelieving it could be him. The person I have become is much healthier both physically and psychologically. The boy has grown into a man, and through the looking glass he sees a familiar stranger.

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